Search

Between a Rob and a Harj-place

Harjot, Harjinder, Harjeet, Harjeevan—all these individuals are more commonly referred to as 'Harj' and ten times out of ten they are close personal associates with Ranveer, Rupinder, Rashvinder and Rashpal—also known as 'Rob.'


Harj and Rob are between 18 and 29 years old, likely drive an entry-level luxury vehicle. Harj and Rob speed through school zones and are usually playing low quality hip hop music or Drake tracks loudly. Harj and Rob have a penchant for smoking weed in parks, wearing sunglasses and looking aggressive. Moreover, when relaxing, Harj and Rob love to wear straight brimmed baseball caps that do not fit their heads properly and are slightly tilted to the side.


Harj and Rob have the same buzz cuts and relatively bushy beards, and are increasingly into two-to-three year old trends. For instance, they love wearing cropped trousers but many Harj and Robs don’t even know that no-show socks even exist.


Harj and Rob are also no strangers to the shady underworld of violence and drugs. Pioneers in local dial-a-dope schemes and unsightly tattoos it is well established that they are morally bankrupt. The possible triggers for unleashing mass armed bloodshed have fallen in scale repeatedly over years, starting initially with drug and territorial disputes to something as menial as being denied entry into a night club, accidentally stepping on a shoe or simply looking the wrong way.


In an oft-discussed case, one obese Harj nearly pummeled a (pre-bodybuilding and) rising young graduate student from UBC for noting how the girl who he was not even really with, miserably failed to color coordinate her outfit, especially her scarf. Had it not been for the heroic efforts the Beast (abundantly energized from consuming copious amounts of Sheppard's Pie, which he continues to erroneously refer to as Shakespeare's Pie, despite repeated group efforts to correct him), anything could have happened in that, the Chinese Year of the Snake.


Harj and Rob are also chronic abusers of steroids and level-III hormone supplements. They log many hours in gyms all over the lower mainland and inevitably force other members into mental submission. As one commentator noted, "Surrey in particular appears, 365 days of the year, like it is hosting a world strong man competition." Harj and Rob's constant insistence on the continued use of performance enhancing drugs for performance unrelated activities puts the impressive physical accomplishments of 'clean' athletic specimens into the roid-suspicion category.


In an interesting side twist to the Harj and Rob phenomena, Harj and Rob have continued to display their resourcefulness. While hanging out in Surrey basements, Harj and Rob are constantly discussing the "state of affairs" in the Greater Vancouver Area and devising new strategies to remain relevant in a rapidly changing world. This has produced what some analysts have termed "flooding." Now what the term refers to is how Harj and Rob catch wind of public hotspots and then 'flood' the scene.


An increasing number of Harj and Rob’s have been spotted on Main Street and at trendy microbreweries in recent months. And because Harj knows many Harj's and Rob knows many Rob's, not unlike Benedict Anderson's Imagined Communities, there is an all encompassing, one might even say 'emergent' Harj and Rob consciousness. Harj and Rob, like a swarm of deadly African killer bees are becoming logistical masters and leaving a path of destruction. Their ability to secure parental financing for their various activities is also a major cause of 'flooding.' In short, if there are people somewhere in the lower mainland having good times, Harj and Rob will find out about it, bring their beards and vape kits, start numerous quarrels, and ensure that all reason for jubilation ends quickly.


Yes indeed, the front line is everywhere if you are seeking shelter from this phenomenon. So please be strategic out there my friends. Harj and Rob don’t know about those trendy cafés in Gastown yet. Keep it to yourselves.

Recent Posts

See All